This (I) am why we can't have nice things. 

"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats) 07/11/2017 at 08:52 • Filed to: None

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Some bastard in my work went and decided to install vacancy switches in all of the bathrooms set to a two minute timer.

Now, after looking through the documentation, there appears to be no way to turn the switches to constantly on; the most you can do is set the time out to 30 minutes. Which is fine, I guess, but there’s also a setting for shutting the lights out instantly once there’s nothing moving in front of the sensor.

Now, I could fix these by setting them all to 30 minutes, but in doing so, I would be accepting that installing these was a valid decision. Alternatively, I could make it my duty to ensure that these are always set to shut off instantaneously, thus fomenting insurrection against the tyranny of these stupid switches.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 08:57

9

Your duty is clear.

You must set them all to instant off and shit on your superiors desk until they are removed.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 07/11/2017 at 09:01

6

hee hee.....duty :)

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 07/11/2017 at 09:02

4

It’s the only way to show dominance.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 09:02

1

set them to 10 minutes.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 09:02

1

I had an office where they were set to 5 minutes. Good for two games of solitaire on my phone.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/11/2017 at 09:02

3

Not gonna lie... I was thinking it.

Though if it’s clear you should probably see a doctor.

functionoverfashion > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 09:04

1

The bathrooms where I work are like that, but the timer is long enough that I’ve never been left pooping in the dark under any circumstances. But two minutes makes me wonder if whoever set it was trolling, or at least cackling with an evil grin while doing so. I have peed for close to two minutes straight FFS.

Ash78, voting early and often > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 09:05

2

Hmmmm...I have to go with my gut here, which would be to remove the presumably mechanical dial/knob, use a paperclip to ensure it can’t rotate, then replace the knob, making it seem like everything is in order. On the flipside, that could result in a service call that exposes your vandalism and results in a Full Metal Jacket-style series of punishments for the company. Nobody wants to get beaten with soap bars. Just leave it alone.

Honeybunchesofgoats > Ash78, voting early and often 07/11/2017 at 09:06

2

It uses a pressure plate. My original reaction to not being able to switch them to constant power was to come up with a way to break them. I’m big on office guerilla warfare.

Honeybunchesofgoats > functionoverfashion 07/11/2017 at 09:07

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That’s the weird thing. According to the documentation, the default is five minutes, so someone actually went and set them all to two.

shop-teacher > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 09:07

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Go instantaneous. Let anarchy rain!

Slant6 > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 09:08

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Why aren’t they a good idea? Yeah 2 minutes isn’t usually enough time, but 10 should be more than enough. Over the life of the building they could save a significant amount of money. Constant on is really just a waste.

Honeybunchesofgoats > shop-teacher 07/11/2017 at 09:09

1

The democratic option would be to win people over to my side through persuasion, but I was raised to believe in direct action.

Ash78, voting early and often > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 09:10

2

I’m the same way, but less vandal and more passive insurrection. I write scathing office-based satirical stuff and post it on the wall in the men’s room. Or put up signs over the toilet saying “If you took a shit, please put it back.”

Honeybunchesofgoats > Slant6 07/11/2017 at 09:11

0

I think they’re fine in public places or in a hallway, but I find them obnoxious in a work setting. Especially since they’re replacing a toggle and a sign asking to turn out the light, which everyone seemed to heed anyway.

Die-Trying > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 09:12

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it would be a good reason to either poop on the floor....... or get lost on the way back from the bathroom........

shop-teacher > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 09:12

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I think it’s called for, in this case.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 09:22

4

There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of men for this treachery.

MrDakka > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 09:25

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Whoever set those switches must have never wiped in the dark.

WilliamsSW > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 09:30

2

Flinging things over the wall to turn the lights back on every 2 minutes (and not cleaning these things up) is also an option.

Textured Soy Protein > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 09:33

4

I’m not a frequent work pooper, maybe once or twice a week at most. But sometimes you just want to take a leisurely poop at work.

At a previous job I occasionally found myself having the lights shut themselves off, then I’d have to finish up by light of phone flashlight. Thankfully nobody ever came in while the lights were out, which should then trigger an immediate “how long have you been in here?” reaction.

random001 > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 09:33

3

In truth, you can just go behind the switch and direct wire the light so it never goes off...

random001 > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 09:34

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Or wire an on off switch TO the timer switch. Pure anarchy.

fintail > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 09:35

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Nothing a discreetly used hammer won’t fix?

Honeybunchesofgoats > MrDakka 07/11/2017 at 09:41

1

Either that or they just like living life with a little extra danger.

Honeybunchesofgoats > Textured Soy Protein 07/11/2017 at 09:42

2

Personally, my reaction would be “there’s a slasher in that locked stall and I’m about to die.”

Honeybunchesofgoats > random001 07/11/2017 at 09:43

1

I seriously considered that before I discovered that they could be set to turn off instantaneously. It probably saved me from being electrocuted.

random001 > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 09:51

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Eh, I’ve done that before. It’s never caused any *twitch* lasting issues.

AMGtech - now with more recalls! > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 09:55

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WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO IF YOU HAD CHIPOTLE FOR LUNCH!?

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 10:12

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I always poop at work. I figure as an underpaid office drone for a company that doesn’t always appreciate me, it’s my right to sit in the men’s room and drop a hot one, check Facebook and Oppo, play Angry Birds and Pocket Mortys, and spend an extra 15-20 minutes in the shitter at work.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > AMGtech - now with more recalls! 07/11/2017 at 10:16

1

Cry in the dark

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > random001 07/11/2017 at 10:17

0

Hell I get myself good at least once a year.

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > random001 07/11/2017 at 10:22

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Nah, normal switch in parallel with the timer so you can force it on.

random001 > Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. 07/11/2017 at 10:26

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It’s good for you! Keeps the ticker running, right?

random001 > Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. 07/11/2017 at 10:27

0

That’s crazy talk!

xyzabc > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 10:27

3

Well then...just leave the seat down and pee with your eyes closed.

Xyl0c41n3 > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 12:15

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At least you didn’t have to make a sign to remind your grown ass coworkers how basic indoor plumbing works.

functionoverfashion > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/11/2017 at 12:36

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Indeed, there is treachery afoot.